Maybe I missed my calling

I was just at Chapters (because what else is there to do on a Tuesday evening after you've watched Miami Ink?) searching for some new books to wallow in for a few days.

The Chapters' Boy finally managed to convince me (yeah he was really twisting my arm...) to get their damn discount card. Upon my response of, "I might as well I'm in here enough". Came his question of, "Are you a teacher?"

After a momentary pause and thinking this would be a fun little tale to weave (my name would be Indira and I would teach high school english at a decent Catholic high school. What?) but I decided against it.

But as I walked across the parking lot I started to think that maybe I had missed my calling. I would love to share my LOVE of books with others. Maybe I should go back to university and become a teacher. I would be helping others. It would give me a real sense of purpose in life.

Then I realized what I was thinking and that teaching kids who didn't get the work of Shakespeare and Chaucer would probably piss me off. Not to mention the fact that I don't really like kids, coupled with my potty mouth and pathological lying tendencies....it's probably for the best that I didn't go into education after all.

He'd look great with a black eye!

If I didn't need to keep my job I probably would have punched one of my co-workers in the face.

For some reason it was just one of those days, everything was being filed late and edit suites were at a premium. One certain B-List National reporter needs to learn that none of us want to edit with him, that's why he gets stuck with the new guys. That's why his edits are taking longer, oh yeah and because he doesn't give us a script until the last minute.

But tell me how quickly you would be able to edit after being thrown in halfway through, on a new system with someone breathing down your neck, huffing and puffing, pacing the back of the room, slamming tapes into the decks and not really giving you a script, then leaving the room when you're attempting to cover the story but not telling you who any of these people are.

Yep he's lucky that I need money to pay my rent and go to New York otherwise he'd be sporting a black eye right about now.......although I'm pretty sure my other co-workers would have appreciated it!

On the bright side, he missed his slot.

Normally this is something I would be disappointed in myself for, but frankly I did the best I could with what I had and I was pretty happy that he missed his timeslot.

Hopefully some wrist slapping will come his way!

Am I in high school?

After yet another questionable decision on my part I woke up Saturday morning with the dreaded embarassment of being over zealous.

I had a hickey.

Seriously, I never even had a hickey in high school. Actually I don't think I have ever had one. So with only two hours to go before I had to go to work, what the hell was I supposed to do?

I freaked out and was frantically thinking of solutions........could I get away with wearing a scarf around my neck (yeah because that wouldn't look strange on me especially in plus 30 heat!). Turtle-neck? Wait that's even more ridiculous than the scarf (not to mention that I don't actually own one!) Ice? Would copious amounts of ice do the trick? Oh why didn't I have a more misspent youth, then I would know how to handle this situation! Maybe makeup would do the trick, some heavy cover-up, only one problem I don't exactly have a cabinet full of makeup, more like a tube of mascara and some lipgloss (not exactly going to hide the ugly purple bruise on my neck!) And while the drug store is literally across the street I was NOT going out in public with that Thing on my neck! Perhaps I should just call in sick to work......

Thank god for the internet. My saving grace. After googling, "how to get rid of hickeys". I found several quick "home remedies" that I could employ before going to work.

Before I knew it the ugly purple bruise had faded to a faint slightly red circle on my neck, that as long as I didn't pull my hair back was unnoticeable (I bought some light cover-up just to be safe!)

Now I'm glad I made the Drummer walk back to his car!

And on a side-note: trying to drown your feelings with gin doesn't work. Neither does taking home the Drummer to try to push the Boy (even if only temporarily) from your mind. It just doesn't work.

Stand me up at the gates of hell.....

I haven't felt like doing much of anything.

Between the heat and my depression things get dodgy and I am tempted to curl up into the fetal position and take refuge on my couch.

But I won't.

The week working at home was what I needed, surrounded by friends and family but now I need to find a different salve to take the sting out of life.

I'm getting back to the shiftless feeling of "is this all there is?" There's got to be something else, something more to all of this, perhaps I'm not looking in the right places.

I need to work less. But I don't think I'd be happier with less money.

In the darkest of hours....

I battled tears a few times at work today but knew that I had that reassuring shoulder of several friends to lean on if and when I needed it.

I'm worried about him. But this is going to be about time, patience, strength and perseverance.

Because right now I don't have the energy to think of the alternative. He will get better because there is no other choice.

Blink of an eye

It's funny how quickly things can change.

How something that you were mad about can suddenly become so trivial and meaningless.

That forgivness becomes a given and you wonder why you were ever being stubborn about it before.

Or realizing that there are things that are beyond our control and the best we can do is to learn to roll with the punches.

If the past few years have taught me anything they've taught me that.

Now I just hope that I'm strong enough to roll with these punches and that so is he....

Sick of being sick.

Losing your voice and going to a family reunion don't mix very well.

Maybe I shouldn't have gone out to "party with the band" the night before but likely that was just the straw that broke the camel's sick back.

I hate not being able to talk. You can't get in your witty one-liners. Asking for things becomes a chore of part charades and mostly frustration on both sides.

I couldn't visit and catch up with family that I haven't seen in years because it was just too vocally painful. Alas the beer and sun seemed to soothe me slightly.

Work should be fun this week without a voice.

Apparenlty I'm a switch-hitter....

I went for beers with the Photographer last night (what I was bored and had to return his jacket! Don't judge me.)

Speaking of his jacket, he was telling me a story that relates back to that day. When he got back his writer gave him a hard time about giving his jacket to me because it "covered up his view".

At that point one of the other photographers walks up to them and says, "I wouldn't get my hopes up I'm pretty sure she plays for the other team."

Now it's not like I'm offended or anything, just curious as to why people keep coming to that conclusion. Granted I do NOT talk about my personal life at work. But this is the second time now that someone has assumed I'm gay because I don't go to work and talk about guys (I call that being professional!). Maybe they think that's why I love sports so much!

The Photographer laughed and assured them I wasn't. To which his writer responded with a shocked expression and has now assumed that the Photographer had sex with me. That's what I'm angry about. Because I didn't and I didn't want anyone at work to know about our casually seeing each other a few months ago.

Why can't people understand that you just want to keep your private life, PRIVATE!!!!

I don't want to be your friend.....if only it were that easy!

What do you do when the idiot stick figure with no soul wants to be your buddy?

If you're a sucker (like me) then you probably just go with the flow. As much as it probably kills you inside. How do I get myself into these situations? I think I'm pretty transparent. Can't these people see or sense my intense disgust, distaste and sometimes outright hatred of them?

Miss Demanding has continued with a couple of emails because she's too chicken-shit to pick up the phone and see what's going on. Easier for me because if I just keep "forgetting" to return emails then eventually three months will have gone by without us talking. Which in the end is for the best. After all if I wanted someone to treat me as badly as she does, I'd get a boyfriend!

Selfish to the max!

I don't think I have ever met anyone quite so selfish and demanding. Frankly I hope I never have to meet anyone who could equal it and I doubt that anyone could be worse.

Again, I'm not too sure why I am still friends with this person. Old habits die hard I guess. So Miss Demanding took possession of her new condo tonight. I had told her a few times that I would help her paint, clean and move or whatever help she needed. She always gave me a bit of a whatever. When I left work tonight I called to see if she still needed a hand. Instead of saying sure you can help us with the last little bit she instead thought it was a good idea to ask me to pick up food for everyone. Apparently I have Messenger Bitch tattooed on my forehead. So like an idiot I agreed.

Now for someone who regularly blows off certain friends for other friends who have better plans she sure didn't have many people beating down her door to help her move. In fact if it wasn't for me and Peaches she would have been moving on her own!

But that's not what I'm really raging about.

When we finished moving stuff in and eaten the food I picked up, it was decided we'd go for a drink after everyone went home and showered. More than 2 hours later Peaches calls to say we're going to the local pub. I was standing there dripping water all over my floor after getting out of the tub to answer. Now only because Peaches called did I decide maybe I would make an appearance.

Normally Miss Demanding is preaching at me about walking to the pub from my apartment because I live downtown and "it's not safe!" Keep in mind this is the girl who left me walk home more than a dozen blocks in minus 40 at 2 in the morning because she wasn't ready to go home yet, oh and had left me sitting on a street corner a few nights before waiting for the Co-worker to pick me up, great friend. She's really concerned about my safety.

So I stumble to the pub thinking that I'll have a beer do a quick catch up and be on my way home. I walk in to a loud obnoxious band playing (it's a Tuesday night, WTF?) and can't find them anywhere. I spy them in a dark little corner off the side of the stage.

To my utter dismay the Idiot Stick Figure with no Soul is there as well. I pound my G&T without making it too obvious. Wander to the bathroom, where Miss Demanding doesn't see me washing my hands at the sink next to her, and walk past Peaches out the door without looking back (total time -- including walking to and from.....just under 20 minutes).

Now I don't know what's worse. The fact that apparently none of them noticed I was gone, or the fact that they didn't care enough to call and make sure that I had actually gone home and not been dragged off into an alley and raped (sorry over-active imagination as the result of too many books, movies and a paranoid mother).

Brutal.

Oh wait this is the girl who couldn't tell that two of her good friends were sleeping together for nearly two years when EVERYONE else could tell -- that's how self-centred she is!

I think I'm done with her. I'm tired of being under appreciated.

Tech-not-so-savy

After a four year relationship I was tired of being let down at critical moments. Tired of my partner shutting down completely and then taking forever to let me back in.

Yep after four long years I decided that it was time to get a new mobile phone.

Now this should be a fairly simple task, right? I mean all I need is a phone that can dial out, receive calls and send the occasional (alright multitudes worth) of text messages. When I told the woman that this morning she basically laughed in my face and said good luck.

Now I have in my employ a fabulous, sleek little black samsung that allows me to download music, games, ringtones, is bluetooth capable (don't think I'll be using this), can do video and take pictures (with several different white balance options -- does the average Joe know what a white balance is?), has the capability for expanded memory, is web capable, will tell me what I'm doing wrong with my life, balance my checkbook, make me dinner, clean my apartment, drive my car, wash my hair, do my laundry, give me the answers to life and oh yeah I can also send and receive phone calls from it too.

Seriously do we really need this sort of technology that supposedly makes us more connected but in the end allows me to stay in touch with people without ever really having to talk to them. Isn't it grand.

Too much information!

I have learned after a few bad experiences that you should curb your alcohol intake around co-workers.

Now I just wish that some of my co-workers would learn this little lesson. Because Sunday nights are like Friday nights for those of us that work every weekend, sometimes we actually get our shit together to go for a wobbly pop or two after our show is over. Last night was one of those nights. Our weekday director showed up about 20 minutes before we went to air, bombed out of his mind and carrying a sack of beer (classy pirate eye was in full effect with a dodgy Canadian cowboy hat that he found in a 15 pack). So after offering up a beer to a couple of the lads prior to going on-air, we actually had a seamless show.

When we got out, it was unreal some of the things that were coming out of his mouth. He told us how he had stopped smoking pot because he and his wife (another one of our co-workers) are now trying to get pregnant. Then he started telling us how she had just had her first 28 day cycle and he continued talking about her period.

Now I was the only female at the table and at that point I tuned out (seriously, I don't need to hear about someone else's periods!) as for the rest of the guys at the table -- all of their eyes glazed over and they had that panicked look like they wanted to flee at the word period.

It went steadly downhill from there as he continued to tell us about their doctor appointments, and then he started having a heart to heart with another of the guys. I couldn't drink my gin fast enough to get out of there.

I also learned that another of our co-workers had to endure seeing one of the older anchors buck-naked at the gym one day. When my mind started to wander to the mental picture stage I had to slam my gin to douse that horrific image. Clearly he was still scarred by it admitting he can no longer look him in the eye.

I think we all learned a lesson at the table last night.

Hopefully I won't have to hear about anymore periods.

water everywhere......

It is as if the heavens have opened and are raining down precious precious 80's reunions upon us. It is a quaint flashback to a more innocent era of big hair, fluorescent accesories, coloured mascara, leggings, baggy tops, shoulder pads, hyper-color t-shirts, slouch socks and ray-bans (basically I am just picturing my Aunt in all her 80s youthful glory). I can hardly contain my excitement knowing that two shows will allow me to wallow in the wonderment that was my youth and the television crushes they produced.

Who doesn't love Chachi? If he was good enough for Joanie he was good enough for me.

Don't even get me started on the Coreys. The one had a License to Drive and the other was a Goonie. These two Lost Boys managed to steal many a heart back in their day and it's only a matter of time before women of a certain age are entranced by the train wreck their lives became. It's going to be amazing. Stand By Me as I watch but don't bother calling me. I'll be having a little stroll down memory lane with the Coreys and Scott.

Oh A&E you never fail to amaze me!

Friday Night Football

Sometimes life is just right. When the planets align and the moon is full -- there are those rare occasions where I love my job, the people I work with, my friends, and where I'm at.

Last night was one of those nights. It was also a perfect night for football. Nothing like a little Friday the 13th late evening game to get the weekend going. It was beautiful as the sun set and there was a rosy pink hue to the sky and under the glare of the lights the gridiron had never looked as glorious.

Unfortunately there were a few downsides to the game. Number one, I'm pretty sure they water down their booze. When I pay $5 for a cocktail I expect it to have a little oomph to it. I had four of 'em and walked out of there without the slightest of buzzes (I think I got a better buzz off the boys who decided to spark a joint in front of us -- dumbasses).

The second problem was perhaps the company I kept for the game. After several other friends and family members ditched out of the game I was left to attend with a college friend. Which is fine, she likes football it should have been fun. Instead she was her usual self and I was annoyed before the opening kickoff. She needs to learn to relax. For some reason we scammed a ride with this random group of guys and she proceeded to get pissy when we got out and one of their friends asked "who are the randoms?" I took it in stride and started walking towards the stadium. She stood there and became uber-bitch to them because "I don't have to put up with this!" -- note that she also didn't have to get a ride with them. Seriously, she needs to relax.
I could go on about her but I will refrain. Let's suffice it to say that my plans after the game weren't cool enough for her and she left me sitting on the corner in front of a downtown hotel waiting for The Co-worker to come pick me up. She felt she could leave me there by myself because poor her "had to go into the pub by herself and she felt like such a loser". (I won't say anything else).

The other thing that sucked is they lost the game. I was more than a little disappointed but decided that they were due for a loss and hopefully this will ground them and show them how good they have to be to make it further!

The great part of the night was actually hanging out with my co-workers. We bonded over beers and consequently hung out with a couple of players from the opposing team. Nothing like having Paul and Buck staring at your cleavage -- I'm pretty sure Dave was looking too!

All in all another great Friday night!

Deadline is looming.....

I'm at a crossroads and I don't know what to do.

I mean it's obvious that I have two options to choose from so I have a fifty percent chance of picking the "right" one. But that also means I have a fifty percent chance of really screwing things up.

I guess at least it's only two choices and not more.

I've been stressing about this decision for weeks, trying to put it off as long as humanly possible (because I am pretty good at procrastinating) but now the deadline for a decision is looming and I'm still at a loss.

Who would have thought that renewing my mobile number could be this stressful.

If I had 15 million dollars......

I buy a lottery ticket most Saturdays in the vain hope that I'll win and be able to quit one or both of my jobs. Wouldn't that be nice?

All I can daydream about is disappearing off the face of the earth and sending plane tickets to a very few select people to meet up with me on a beach somewhere.

Instead I sit in my crappy little shoebox apartment. Hoping that my rent cheque won't bounce, trying to space out bill payments so that I'll have enough cash to have a couple of beers on the weekend and hoping desperately that one day my student loan will just......disappear.

I could use that 15 million dollars any day now......

Living in 16:9

Life would be so much better if everything was in wide-screen.....it's beautiful.

I feel lately like everyone else is living in 16:9 but I'm only functioning in 4:3. How confining.....

My edges are cropped by black pillared sides, no letter-boxing for me! Just standard-definition all the way - my daydreams of high-definition are a myth. Colours aren't as bright, pictures not as crisp, everything looks so dull.

I want to start living in 16:9. Freedom would be a given with all that extra space to move and breathe.

Working is for suckers......

I seem to be getting forgetful in my "old" age. Or perhaps I'm just working too much and spacing on a lot of things, like say paying my rent. Whoops.

I have been spending a lot of sociable time with The Co-worker. Somehow I think I managed to convince him to take Friday off and come to the game with me. He NEVER takes games off! I'm worried that I'm walking a very fine line and that he's going to start seeing the wrong side of it.

It also doesn't help that the competition was grabbing my ass whilst we were waiting to scrum the opposing head coach. Nothing like a little sexual harassment to make a weekend of work complete.

Actually what made it complete was getting a speeding ticket in the work vehicle. Then finding out that 15 minutes later my other co-workers picked up a speeding ticket at the same speed trap. I laughed that working all day wasn't quite going to cover the cost of the ticket.

I think it's time to find a new job.

And now I can't get mushaboom out of my head......

This 14 hour day brought to you by 5 hours of sleep....

I don't know what I was thinking. I suppose I felt left out that I didn't get to experience the complete torment of a nearly 40 degree day because I was sitting in a very well air-conditioned control room (aka the fish-bowl).

I decided that I NEEDED to go out drinking last night and that I HAD to sit on a patio. So I rounded up the crew and we headed to La B (because I'm snobby -- but mostly because I was looking forward to sitting on the rooftop patio and demolishing a couple of bottles of that reisling). No patio space was to be had at La B, so we got stuck inside where it was like sitting in an oven. Seriously when the backs of my knees are sweating from just sitting there something tells me it's too hot.

So we ditched out and went to the north end. Me and The Co-worker ended up being the only two there at one point which got a little strange -- I drank more (I was making sure to keep myself hydrated in that heat with plenty of gin and tonic).

Needless to say my 9:30 start this morning came very very early and just finishing a half hour ago did not make for a fun day.

I think I screwed my chances on getting free tickets to Friday night's game when I shot back at the PR Guy "I don't sleep with my co-workers". While I could have just been referring to The Co-worker, I really was referring to the PR Guy. He kind of avoided me for the rest of the day.

Why did I have to go and open my big fat mouth?

Looks like I better buy some tickets before it sells out. Shit.

Testing.....1...2...3.....testing

I'm not sure why I keep doing this to myself.

Peaches is my Mr. Big.

I just can't seem to get away from him. Just when I think that he's out of my life he comes waltzing right back in and I'm back to square one. We went for drinks tonight with a couple of his friends (one of which I'm pretty sure he used to date). I giggled when they both left the table (him to pay my tab -- I know things have changed on that front!!) and she immediately asked me how long we had been dating. Now I didn't think we were giving off the vibe that we were "together" but now I'm worried that she could see right through me!

Dammit if he's my Mr. Big I hope this doesn't mean I'll end up with some creepy old Russian guy! Although if it means he wants to punch him in the face I'm all for it! hahahaha

I was sure that he was going to disappoint me tonight. In fact I was more surprised that he didn't disappoint. Strange that I was setting myself up for that......I guess I was testing him.

Single Life

There are very few moments in my life where I loathe being a single woman. One of them is family gatherings. Nothing is more annoying than a cousin who settled into his life at the tender age of 20 -- marrying his high school girlfriend and never got out of small town life -- constantly asking why you don't have a boyfriend.

I have taken to letting the family think I am a lesbian. If nothing else the cousin usually tends to quit asking about a boyfriend as he keeps his distance (in case it's contagious!)

The other time I hate being a single gal is during grocery shopping. Especially if you haven't gotten groceries in a few weeks. Carrying bags up three flights of stairs (and no multiple trips are not an option when you're stubborn) is never fun. That's when I long to have a boy who will not only go grocery shopping with me, but carry them up the stairs and even put the shit away. That would be nice.

But in the mean time, I love having my own space. So perhaps I'll have to suck it up -- carry my own groceries and let the cousins think I'm gay. Life doesn't get much better than that!

Oh yeah Happy America Day!

How to get ahead, by giving head?

What do girls get out of giving head?

Granted I understand if you're doing it for reciprocity (I'm all for reciprocity). But I'm talking about the random, one time deal of going down on a guy and literally getting nothing in return. I'm not talking about those in a relationship, but much more random than that. What is the allure?

Especially for a girl who just meets a guy, maybe she's a little drunk, feeling a little risque. Sure he might be hot, but what sort of message are you sending him if you're going to suck his cock (potentially in a public place) without even knowing his name? (And if he's not hot then WTF are you doing?) Not exactly the type of stuff that lasting relationships are made of.......take her home to meet Mum sort of material either. "Hi Mum, meet *blank*, she gives great head!"

He gets a great story. She gets......a mouthful I guess.

I just don't see the upside for girls.

11 days and counting (or 18 days to go...)

This is my summer......it's slipping by one work day at a time. Afternoons that could be spent lounging by a pool, instead are spent in an air-conditioned control room under fluorscent lights. How depressing....how the hell am I supposed to get a tan?

I surf the internet planning holidays, shopping, gossiping, and generally just wasting time (I do get some quality reading done -- some days!). Some days because of the internet I end up spending more than I made going to work that day!

I also spend a bit of time creeping around on facebook. To which I discovered that the Co-worker's most recent ex-girlfriend already has herself listed as "in a relationship". Gee do you think she was cheating on him? (**cou-slut-gh**).

Although that is somewhat ironic for me to be judging cheaters, considering the Peaches incident....Fuck it. I will judge away. Especially after he told me that she HATES me. Glad that the feeling is mutual. At least I'm not fucking someone to get cheap rent!

Hooray for Sunscreen!

Happy Canada Day!

So the best course of action for me is usually avoidance. I was delighted to have to go out of town for work today so as not to spend too much time with the Co-worker and thereby limiting the chances to falsely encourage him.

I am full of loathing towards Doogie Howser the Drummer. Not sure why all of a sudden.......except for hey buddy you're gonna be 29 --- maybe you shouldn't be going after girls who were born in the LATE '80s........just a thought. Although I guess other than a stupid 26 year old, that's probably all you can get is silly little 19 & 20 year old girls. So wrong.

I'm feeling scattered and tired. Too much sun this afternoon. Too much heat. But no sunburn!! Hooray!