Questions

I spent part of the weekend visiting with family and friends that I haven't seen for awhile.

As usual it was like sitting through an interrogation. Non-stop questions trying to catch up on what's going on in my life.

Best question of the weekend goes to one of my friends.

Friend: So are you dating anyone?

Me: Nope.

Friend: Why not?

Indeed, why not. I thought the answer should be pretty obvious. Why be dating someone, when I haven't found anyone that I want to spend time with. I don't date, just for the sake of dating. I've spent enough time on losers so why do I want to waste anymore of my time. Apparently she didn't think that was a good enough answer. After all, now that she's engaged, the rest of the world should follow suit.

She also felt triumphant over another of our friends, proclaiming that she was going to be married before her. The unspoken statement being that this of course made her better than my other friend.

Ugh. She's going to be unbearable once they finally set a date and wedding preparations must begin. She'll probably have me wearing some sort of peach taffeta ball gown as a bridesmaid -- which I will do if she doesn't drive me insane first.

In my thoughts and prayers.

A random text message today sent my day spiralling.

I received a text from a good friend that I have drifted from simply because of distance, work hours and priorities. I still love her to death and now I am terribly worried about her.

The text (I'm assuming it was a mass text to a few of us) asked that the reader pray for her mother even if we're not religious because she is in severe organ failure in the ICU.

I worry for my friend because she has already dealt with more than most people should have to.

When we were twelve she suffered the blow of dealing with her father's death. It was a choice he made that forced her to deal with those consequences. Children can be cruel.

As an only child, my worry for her only increases, as her mother wastes away. This once vibrant woman is now down to a frightening 77 pounds.

My heart goes out to her and I wish that I could be there to offer what little support I can give. Instead I am stuck here, where all I can do is hope and pray for my friend and her mother.

Perspective

The one really good thing about my job is the fact that it's like a cold bucket of reality being splashed in my face.

When I get all whiny and bitchy about things not going my way all I have to do is sit back and take a look at some of the stories we covered out this week.

The rugby player who is battling cancer and thought he had it kicked but is now clinging to life and in a coma, or the high school student who was out drinking with his buddies to celebrate an upcoming graduation but died in a freak accident, or the guy who was driving home on a grid road -- lost control of his vehicle and rolled into a slough and died, and of course the guy who went missing and wound up dead in his truck in a parking lot.

All of that misery. All of those lives cut short and all of those struggles. It really helps to bring things into perspective and makes me remember that I do have things pretty good and sometimes pretty easy.

So maybe, I should just shut up and enjoy it.

I think I will.

Two weeks to happiness....

Well not guaranteed happiness because nothing in this life is a guarantee.

But frankly, my upcoming trip to The City by the Bay has me looking forward to an escape. It will be a nice break from reality as my Mum and I traipse around northern Californie for a week.
Some shopping, relaxing and seeing a city that I have long desired to visit will be a nice break from the stupidity that has been work for the past ten weeks. Right now, that's the only thing that is keeping me going.

Hopefully, I'll get to see my new nephew before I go!

Whatever you want me to be.....

I don't remember my mother ever specifically telling me that I could "do anything" or "be anything" I wanted to be. It was always implied and always something I just knew. Something I carried with me as I casually strolled through my first degree and something I held up as I buckled down in my second degree.

So now as time passes I wonder where that ambition went. I felt crippled at work today when it hit me that I haven't done anything with my life. My cousin is off in third world countries setting up programs for disadvantaged children. I have a friend in Africa who is teaching journalism and doing her best to get "stories out". These people are making a difference in the world -- what the hell am I doing?

I have this feeling that I should be doing something more with my life, something great, something that will make a difference in the world. But what that dare to be great situation is for me......well that I'm not too sure about.

I realize now it's more likely that I have been waiting for that dare to be great situation to just fall into my lap. Expecting that it will be handed to me on a silver platter. Even though intrinsically, I know that I will have to work for it, that I have to want it.

Instead I spend my days in the fishbowl, churning out television programming. Some people may think that's glamorous. While I do enjoy it, and love the creativity that it can afford me, it's not like I'm going to change the world with a two minute news piece. And, of course the office politics are getting to be more of a hassle than it's worth.

So here I sit, aglow with a tired desperation and the faint wash of light from my laptop wondering where the hell do I go from here......