Shadows

I feel like I lost track of myself......somewhere between the non-stop working, Peaches' accident, trying to deal, and just generally existing has somehow made me lose....me.

It came crashing full force today after I finished most of my errands that caused me to finally take a day off. At a certain point I realized I didn't know what to do with myself because normally I would be at work. I had meant to go and visit Peaches today but something stopped me from going. Especially when I remembered that he got possession of his house this weekend and that under different circumstances I would be moving soon (maybe).

That of course lead me to wonder about why I keep making the wrong choices. While I do sometimes learn from my mistakes that doesn't seem to be the case with Peaches. Granted these are extraordinary circumstances that we find ourselves in but as I sat at the rehab centre with him the other night, I couldn't help but think that if the situation were reversed and I was the one laying in that bed, that he would have done his one obligatory visit and that would have been the last I saw of him. Instead I find myself wearing his bracelet, spending evenings visiting him and staying into the wee hours of the morning to keep him company, give him his drugs, adjusting his feet and legs, all in the shadow of his girlfriend. Don't I feel stupid.

But until he gets better my presence will be there for him, even if he doesn't really notice.

Maybe I'll find the rest of me hiding there in those shadows.