Scare up some hope. You're going to need it just to cope.

Nights like tonight are when I loathe my job and ultimately considering just leaving it all behind.

On the bright side I know that I am not a complete robot and I hope that this job never makes me lose my emotions or become devoid of respect for human life.

As is customary for the long weekend I was in attendance at a fairly bad car accident. It happened not that long before we went to air and so the race was on to get some viz and get back before 11.

I did my customary cautious drive, but unfortunately this accident was bad enough that I was still there in time to witness the use of the jaws of life, and pulling the driver from the car.

I set up my sticks and stayed within the crowd of people because I hate doing this stuff, but it is a necessary evil to the job. At least I'm smart enough to know to stay out of the way of the cops, EMS and firemen. Not the CTV camera guy. He is the reason people hate the media. He showed up ten minutes behind me and proceeded to walk right up to the car they were working on extracting the driver from. Not only did he have no regard to the fact that he walked right into my shot but seriously you think the cops are going to let you stay there?

So because he was an ass that got the cops backs up towards us and they became a little pissy with me as well, when all I was doing was staying back and shooting what I needed from a distance.

As I was standing there shooting though I had to repress what emotions I could. I ranged from wanting to cry into my camera to thinking about puking on the sidewalk.

Luckily I did neither.

I'm not sure how everyone else deals with it. Sometimes it does help to just look through the viewfinder and because it's in black and white it seems a little less real, but when you start thinking that is someone's husband, father, son, brother.....that's when it starts to hit home.

Some guy was driving along maybe going home, maybe going out for the evening and because some jackass couldn't stop for a red light his life is now changed forever.

I guess it also didn't help that I went and visited Peaches again before I went to work, because as I was standing there shooting I kept thinking about him. Although he looks better each day I go and see him, it's still a shock to realize that he can't physically do things for himself.

I'm just a mess of emotions right now and I need to get some sleep so I can make it to work in the morning.

I hope the guy in the car accident is ok.