The Best Laid Plans......

He bought a house.

I think I'm still (editor's note: some text was removed so as not to make me turn to stone when certain people read this.) with him.

Today was his birthday. So I missed the traditional celebration out at the Thai Utopia otherwise known as "The Beach". I blame it on the fact that I was tired and hungover from the night before, but in reality it was just me still trying to move on.

No matter what I've said in the past six months, the only reason I've "moved" on is because he and I have had less contact. Seeing him tonight, while I knew it probably wasn't the best idea and truly I couldn't help myself when his ex-girlfriend/girlfriend went home with his sister and he asked me for a ride home. I stayed out three hours past my "I'm leaving fashionably early because I have better things to do time" (in my defence my pre-arranged bail out phone call never happened).

The idiot stick figure with no soul (also known as his ex-girlfriend/girlfriend) kept calling and texting him. I laughed when his buddy said, "she's 29, she's not going to do any better than you". Cue my hyper-ventilations. If he gets married before me I will and truly have a complete and total nervous breakdown.

Driving him home, he told me he was disappointed I didn't show up for his birthday, that he still wants me to move in, and then I think he invited me to come in when we pulled up to his place.

So has anything changed? Well the good news is I didn't go in.......as much as right now I may be wishing I had, I know that it's for the best.

Seeing him tonight was fabulously difficult. No matter what has happened between us, it still feels like everything is ok. No matter how often I think I've moved on he still seems to be the best I've ever had.

In short.

I'm fucked.