where's my halo?

Family weddings. Are they not fabulous? Normally my response would be a resounding FUCK NO. In my experience I have never actually had fun at a family wedding. In fact the only weddings I have had fun at have usually involved my former co-workers and copious amounts of alcohol.
For me the family wedding has oft meant you have some role to play. Be it reading from the bible (big brother's wedding), bridesmaid (little brother's wedding), sitting at the guest register (uncle's wedding), sitting at the register (aunt's wedding), or just generally being expected to clear tables, sell booze tickets, put out the midnight lunch, put away the midnight lunch, not drink -- at all -- but you name it I've probably done it. So you can imagine that I was not overly excited about my cousin's impending nuptials this past Saturday.
Not to mention that family weddings also seem to turn into a bit of a pity-fest and the older I get the worse it seems to get. I thought I was going to break the curse of attending Family functions solo. Apples said that he would gladly join me in my tour out to Townie-ville because he in fact "loves weddings".
I should have known better. Damn Apples actually managed to get my hopes up a little. Perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised though when I found myself sitting in the back of my parents' Blazer alone. I plugged in my iPod and unplugged myself from the world. Fuck was I mad. Mostly because I knew what the next few hours were going to entail of having to answer where was my "escort". Funny thing was at this point I didn't know where he was either.....

I'm sitting outside of the church hating the world, hating weddings when low and behold my cell phone vibrates from the depths of my cute little green purse -- which I might add co-ordinated beautifully with my white Billabong skirt and green open-backed top . It's Apples. He had been helping Peaches build a deck, had taken a nap and only just that second woken up. It was twenty minutes to show time and we were fifty minutes out of the city. Not the best odds of him making it then.
I felt like laughing hysterically at how brutal my social life can be sometimes. Now to explain to my whole family that "Yes, I am such a loser that my friend couldn't even be bothered to get his shit together to accompany me". Lovely. I feel like one million dollars -- if those dollars had been eaten by an elephant and then vomitted up and then eaten again and shit out! Yep.
One. Million. Bucks.

But being the trooper that I am (and revelling in the close proximity of all of the similar asshole-genes that my family possess) I did manage to have a fairly decent time and realized in the end it was for the best that Apples decided to be a dick.

I helped get the midnight lunch ready, I sold booze tickets, I took pictures for other family members, I cleared tables, I put the midnight lunch away, I kept myself to three whole drinks -- basically I did everything but clean the fucking bathrooms (I actually did that at little brother's wedding......don't ask).

Other little notables from the day -- my cousin-in-law is a fabulous girl and balls to her for wearing a pink wedding dress and dressing her bridesmaids in white (despite her mother being mortified).
Townies. Now I'm not saying that I'm so much better and more sophisticated by if dancing at my own wedding to AC/DC then someone should probably just shoot me. Fuck I am so glad that we left that town when I was ten. WOW. My life would have turned out so much different.

Thankfully no more family weddings for at least another five years!